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Sexuality and Lifestyle Topics
How to tell him he's a bad lover
He's great looking, kind, funny, generous, everything you ever wanted in a partner.
But! he is rubbish under the sheets. What do you do? Tell him. OK so it sounds
nasty but it's got to be done. Picture it. You have been together 2 months and
you have your first argument. You are already sexually frustrated and now you
are angry what do you think is going to come out of your mouth? You guessed
it. "You are s**t in the sack". You have lost him for good as well as shattered
all of his confidence.
Here are some pointers to let him know without risking
your relationship.
The trick to telling him how bad a lover he is..... don't. Let
him know what you want not what you don't want. This can be done without uttering
a word. When he does something that you like let him know by moaning louder
than you usually do. Tell him how good that feels and that you like being touched
in that way. You aren't only telling him what you want but bringing a little
sex talk into the bedroom which will be a turn on for both of you.
The same applies for what you don't like. If he is rubbing too
hard tell him that you like it when he gently caresses you. Guide him to what
you want moving his hand/mouth/hips to where you want to be touched. You can
also try pulling his hips into you at the pace you want his movement will follow
your pull. This is also good for trying new positions. If you are always in
missionary position suggest that you could go on top, or that you fancy being
took from behind. This is also a good way to let each other know what you want
in bed without directly telling him.
Now comes the talking. Your partner isn't a mind-reader so
don't
expect him to know what you want without helping him. Here is a role that you
can act to coax him into talking about sex. Remember that you are trying to
let him know that you aren't happy with the sex so keep the bedroom for pillow
talk only. Get a bottle in and go through this lot with him.
Do you remember Louise (made up name) who's wedding we went to
etc..? I bumped into her to day and she left her husband for a better lover.
Can you believe that? I hope we never get like that. I was thinking I hope you
don't leave me because you aren't happy with our sex life. I think we should
try a bit harder in bed. There are loads of things we could try. I have been
thinking of some new things that we could try. What do you think? Why don't
you put a list of things that you would like me to do and I will do the same?
You have now started talking about sex together, and out of the
bedroom. Talking about sex should be a lot easier now. But don't stop talking
about what you want even when your sex life is much better. You will make lots
more progress this way then you would by being honest.
You should now be ready to teach each other what you want. Just
think of the fun you are going to have as well. Good luck!
The Deep Spot - Guaranteed To Give Her A Vaginal Orgasm
Author: David Shade
Back in '93, I was dating a 22 year old woman who had never had an orgasm. She did have one long term boyfriend, so I knew that intercourse or oral would not do the trick. So I just took my time finding what would feel good for her. With my middle finger I searched for her "g" spot, but received no response. Then I decided to slide my finger in as far along the front wall of her vagina as I could. At its greatest depth, the inner diameter of the vagina increases. This area is no longer spongy, but instead smooth and firm, with slight horizontal ribbing. I curled the tip of my finger in a "come hither" manner, while pressing hard against the ribbing and slightly pulling down. She immediately responded to this. After continuing this for a few minutes, she had a concerned look on her face. Then the most wonderful thing happened. I watched the face of this beautiful woman while, for the first time in her life, she had an orgasm. That was sweet. She then breathlessly said "David, kiss me!" Eventually she was able to orgasm readily in any manner.
According to Gray's Anatomy, this area is called the "cavity of the cervix." This area is shaped like the underside of a Frisbee, with the cervix in the
centre pointing downward. Imagine the way you hold a Frisbee. Your fingertips touch the inside edge of the Frisbee. Curl the tip of your finger down the inside edge of the Frisbee in a "come hither" manner.
Later I was seeing a woman who had only had orgasms with the aid of continual direct clitoral stimulation. Basically, she had only had clitoral orgasms. I used the deep spot on her, and within a few minutes she exclaimed: "Oh David, I'm gonna come! I have NEVER come this way! Oh, I'm gonna COME!" and she did, her very first vaginal orgasm. After a few evenings of awakening her vagina (by stimulating less of the deep spot and more of the wall of the vagina) she was able to readily orgasm in intercourse.
Because the uterus is slightly tilted towards the front, the cavity of the cervix is also slightly tilted. The Frisbee is lower in the front and higher in the back. The entire inside edge of the Frisbee, all the way around, is sensitive.
Another variation to this is to get her on her hands and knees and go in along the back wall of her vagina. Go in as deep as possible. Along the back it is deeper because the Frisbee is tilted. Curl the tip of your finger as if to press hard against her tail bone. Repeat. To her it will feel as if she is getting butt fucked. Some women find this very exciting and will experience a very powerful orgasm. I did this to one woman as she held the bathroom sink. When she was coming I thought she was going to rip the sink right off the wall. After she caught her breath, and checked for broken finger nails, she told me that she just had the most powerful orgasm of her life. "That was the grand daddy of 'em all!"
When you massage the deep spot, do it firmly. As you massage the back of the deep spot, you are simulating the "ballooning" that occurs in this area at the time of her orgasm. As you massage any area of the deep spot, you are simulating the muscle contractions that occur at the time of her orgasm to dilate the cervix. She can't HELP but come!
The deep spot has one important benefit over the clitoris. The problem with the clitoris is that after a few seconds of an orgasm, it becomes so painfully sensitive that it cannot be further stimulated. The deep spot does not have this problem. The deep spot is one way to give a woman a very sustained orgasm. Besides, these natural muscle contractions continue to occur for some time after an orgasm anyway.
Another alternative to this is to let her lie face up. Use two fingers, your index finger and your middle finger. Keep the tips of your two fingers about an inch apart as you rub firmly against the front of her deep spot.
I did some research and found that Chee Ann Chua, a Malaysian marriage counsellor, published a paper called the "a-spot" in 1997 in "The Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy."
The text basically says: "The Anterior Fornix of the vagina is located on the front wall of the vagina just below the cervix. It is about 3/4 of an inch to 1 1/2 inches long. Its borders are not well defined. The texture is smooth, unlike the G-Spot. If you place the tip of your finger over the cervix, and move it down a bit, staying on the front wall, your fingertip will be on the anterior fornix. Stimulate in a circular motion. If you move down too far, you will feel the texture change. That will mean that your finger tip is no longer in the right place."
This is the front of "the deep spot." But, as I said above, the deep spot is sensitive all the way around, and, it should be stroked by bending the tip of the finger in a "come hither" fashion while at the same time pulling down.
But the most powerful way to stimulate the vagina is at the back of the deep spot. Get the tip of your middle finger way in deep along the back of the vagina. Stroke against the back of the vagina in a 'come hither' manner. When she gets really excited, the deep back of the vagina will begin to pocket. Press the tip of your middle finger against the back of the pocket, and with the pad of your finger, press down on the PC muscle, which will be contracting so hard that it will feel like it is going to break your finger. But drive on hard. It will drive her crazy.
So, I enlisted my willing love lab subject (my girlfriend) and I set out to rate the various "spots." Here are the actual anecdotal findings of the experiment in increasing order of efficacy:
g-spot "good" a-spot with circular stimulation "MUCH better" front of deep spot with come hither stroking "Oh Yes" back of deep spot with come hither stroking "OH God" back of deep spot with long and forceful stroking "OH DAVID"
David Shade http://www.Masterful-Lover.com
About the author: David Shade is known worldwide to men and couples for his advice on how to have amazing sex. He regularly coaches men on how to give women pleasure, and couples on how to enhance their sexual relationships. David has authored a book that sells worldwide, and teaches seminars on how to be a Masterful Lover.
ALTERNATIVE TOPIC LINKS
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